Where is the hickey?
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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