I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Text me some of your sweat
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
