bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
