Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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