I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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