how hairy? two words: wookie tits
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
