I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
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