Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize