Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize