Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Randomize
