did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
