we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
