At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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