Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
