can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
