I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
