I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
