There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
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