Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
