It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
This gyro tastes like lonliness
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I just gargled with NyQuil
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
