Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Sorry my hands just texted you
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Randomize
