Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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