I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize