three words: i give head
three words: not that well
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
