This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
