Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Randomize
