She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize