You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
