So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Every concussion has its silver lining
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Randomize
