Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
