I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
