i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
