My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
