omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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