I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
