He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
