I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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