my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
