You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Randomize
