Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Randomize
