That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
