OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Randomize
