I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
