I'd wear matching sweaters with you
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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