Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
