My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
COCAINE IS GR8
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