i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
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