i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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