I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize