Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
