I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
