Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Randomize
