Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
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