ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
