Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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