This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize