i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
