found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize