Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
