On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
