you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
