WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
