I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
be right there i have to get my cape
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
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