so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
pop tarts are not kleenex
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
