:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Randomize
