How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I came so hard my ears popped.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
