and she was petting her beer can
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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