We need to rekindle our bromance
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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