I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
