How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
