Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
