today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
