I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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