I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
May the power of my ass compel you!!
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
