Got a toothbrush?
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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