Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
My cat gives me a boner
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Too much gin, very little bucket
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
