No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
