i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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