Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Randomize