there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
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