even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
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